What Jack Bauer could have taught President Obama

By Writer: Clayton “Paco” Crenshaw
While searching through Fox news.com the other day, I had to sift through stories about Obama’s health care reform to find a story that I hadn’t heard before. I found one and I gasped when I saw the tagline; “Time runs out for Jack Bauer, 24 gets cancelled after 8 seasons.” I am a huge fan of the show and have seen every single episode despite being a fan for only about a year (thank god for DVDs). I have basically been replaying every highlight of the show in my mind in preparation for the big finale and have found more to like than just the guns and explosions. I noticed several conservative political undertones that apply now more than ever. First of all, time is of the essence in the show, a notion that President Obama has yet to grasp. He said during his campaign that he would withdraw all troops from Iraq by 2009, which for the record is something that I don’t agree with. Well here we are, 2010 and no progress. In 24, every episode is exactly one hour in the plot of the show, 24 episodes=24 hours in Jack Bauer’s life. The plot of the show still continues to happen during commercials. The terrorist plots usually have a definite “time of impact” to heighten the tension. Maybe Obama should learn to have a definite time too.
      So this next paragraph may be really politically incorrect, but Jack Bauer could teach Obama to not be such a liberal, both socially and politically. Politically speaking, Obama is nothing short of a communist. In fact, Fidel Castro, the communist dictator of Cuba since 1959, said that he “approved of our new health care reform bill.” Jack Bauer has taken a stand against communism multiple times during the show, the most notable of which was in the Season 4-6 story arc in which the Chinese, Arabs, and even Russians posed a direct nuclear threat to the well being of our country. Socially speaking, Jack is a man of honor and values, but not glory. He has saved our country mulitple times and has received no praise, no reward. In fact in Season 4, Jack had just stopped a nuclear missile and as a reward our paranoid president (don’t worry, he got better, he was a Republican) attempts to turn him over to the Chinese to save his own ass. Is it just me, is Obama a bit to arrogant when it comes to defending his health care plan. We’ve seen examples of how his big mouth gets him into trouble (57 states, really?) and he attempts to shrug it off his shoulders because he seems to think that he is the most charismatic person to ever sit in the Oval Office. I strongly disagree. Also, Jack Bauer and 24 have addressed the long standing moral conundrum that no one can seem to answer: the ticking time bomb scenario. In this fictional scenario, a “bad guy” knows the location of a ticking time bomb that when exploded will kill many innocent people. Is it morally OK to torture him to save more people? Jack Bauer would say yes, Obama would say no. So lets analyze this, Obama would rather respect a convicted terrorist’s “rights” and kill innocent Americans. Jack doesn’t just blindly follow the law, he strives to achieve something higher: justice, defined as “giving each his due.” He will save the greatest number of lives possible, doing “whatever it takes” as he frequently says. The Bush Administration (Hell Yeah!) came under scrutiny for allegations of torture at Guantanamo Bay. First of all, there is no evidence to prove this and liberals have milked this to death. Second, torture IS justified if the means justify the ends. If it will save lives, Jack would torture someone in a heartbeat. Is he a bloodthirsty sadist: No. Is he concerned with saving the most number of innocent lives: Absolutely.
    Lastly, Jack has learned to dedicate himself to something greater than himself. This is the dedication to his country and the principle of justice. Season 6 began with American being gripped with fear due to widespread suicide bombings. One of the terrorists behind the attacks has agreed to turn over the location of the head terrorist who can stop the bombings in exchange for Jack Bauer, who has been in a Chinese prison for some time now. So the president arranges for Jacks release to come back to America to be handed over to, tortured, and killed by the terrorists. Jack is told what is expected of him and accepts it with ease, allowing himself to be handcuffed to a pole to wait for the terrorists to come pick him up. He only asks that his daughter not be notified so she will never know about her fathers great sacrifice(hey, a great sacrifice, kinda sounds like someone else who lived 2000 years ago. Come to think of it, he was killed by Arabs too, except they nailed him to a cross. That reminds me, liberals aren’t Christians, just saying.) The recent health care bill, well its not constitutional. Seriously, its not. It violates the constitution because it is required that any and all legislation must apply to the president and his family as well as the general public. Obama blatantly left himself out of his flawed health care plan and showed us a lack of dedication to the country he swore to serve. Shame on you Obama.
    As Obama’s approval ratings drop, I cannot help but think that we are returning to our conservative roots. This is a fitting send off for Jack Bauer, a true American hero. Actually its not really a send off, a feature length 24 film is in the works. I would like to thank Jenkins for letting me write this extreme right wing propaganda. And remember, Laissez Faire (French for “let it happen, Obama could learn that lesson too.”)